Archive | February 2014

Becoming her own Mother

Natalia Tajera

Art: Natalia Tajera

She’s accessing a joyous inner conversation.

She’s speaking to herself differently now. She thought she was a victim to an external oppressor, but it’s been more dangerous than that.

She’s realising she had internalized all her oppressors from childhood. They’re still busy controlling & disciplining her as her inner voice. These voices create self-reproach when she’s just resting on the couch, reading a book, sitting in the garden, taking a nap ~ saying to her ‘don’t waste your time’. She’s been so programmed into being useful & productive that’ free’ time, indulgence, self-care becomes a ‘guilty pleasure’. That she should rest is intolerant to this inner oppressor disguised as ‘her’ voice.

This voice is there to steal her power. It tells her she’s lesser when she’s with a group, it tells her she’s selfish when she wants to pursue her dream, and it tells her she wont make it anyways ~ cause she’s always wrong. It’s there to create shame. She’s been sleeping with the enemy.

Not any more. Finally, she’s taking care of the little girl within.  She’s dis-identifying with this voice. She’s breaking the oppressive chains & giving herself free rein. Everything she does, feel, thinks is ok. She’s un-hooking from the programme that tells her anything other than that she’s beautiful, awesome, gorgeous and perfect the way she is. She’s accessing her inner mother who has this  soft golden voice of a most loving, indulgent, proud mom ~ and she says to her again and again how beautiful, gorgeous, wise, funny, courageous, talented and perfect she is.

Her inner father is so proud, his voice always assuring her she’s safe and protected, and she can go forth fearlessly into her dreams and goals. He believes in her and is always available. He wants to show her off in the world.

She and her inner child is finally having fun. She’s speaking to herself in a  loving, indulgent and supportive way. She’s treating herself as precious.  It is making her so relaxed and peaceful. The chattering in her head ends, and even if it tries to come back, she’s not paying heed.

Becoming her own dream parent is probably one of the most significant spiritual lessons she was meant to learn.

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She’s accessing a new map

map

She could never read maps. She now realises why. There’s a special kind of map she’s called to follow, and she’s re-learning her navigation skills.

She reads this map with her inner knowing. She downloaded it with her sankalpa to walk her path. This special map is lit with the light of her longing. The more she leans into her longing, the clearer her direction. Initially, she would be a bit confused, reluctant to give up her planning and caution, but it had the price of becoming lost. The map gifts her efficiency, economy & joy. Her body is her most powerful ally in reading the map.

The entire map never really shows up. Just the bit she’s standing on appears. She’s so content with not knowing the future. She’s learning to become still and dives into the rich moment. As she’s coming into present time, she makes the amazing discovery that it’s the only place the ego cannot come. She’s pure and safe here.

The key to her map is surrender. The more she trusts it, the more it teaches her ~ and she has begun to believe that eventually, every dot will be connected, even the most baffling ones. That’s because it’s not a linear map ~ it has cycles within cycles.  It is such a freedom being directed and supported from within.

She’s walking towards her true North. The map is within her, and the map is her.

Daughter of the mighty Mother

Art by Frederic Leighton

Art: Frederic Leighton

She’s reeling in the lessons directly from her Great Mother. No one else can fulfilling her heart’s longing the way SHE can.

She’s disrobing now, stepping out of her old faded, tattered garments. She’s moving away from places and people who do not honour her. Of course it’s difficult and painful to rip off the familiar, these garments have become second skin. And its scary too, cause there are a hundred reasons to stay with it, and maybe only one to let go. Should she listen to this tiny, new, unfamiliar voice?

She’s practicing to recognise that faint whisper amidst the clamour ~ she’s learning that it comes from a different Source.
This Voice, though faint or fleeting, nourishes a tiny spot in her heart ~ her Goddess Spot. A tiny flame, a soft whisper, a barely perceptible fragrance, a fleeting vision ~ she’s recognising the difference in this voice, & she’s learning to pay attention. She pauses, becomes very still, and says ~ ‘I don’t yet understand, but I’m listening. It feels scary, but deep down, it feels right.’ She’s holding on to that thin thread that takes her to the Mother.

Every time she honours the tug from the other end, she receives an Initiation. This could be a new wisdom, a vision, an opportunity she’s been longing for, or just a deeper relaxation into her being. She’s taking her baby steps into her goddess self.

She’s loving being the Mother’s little girl.