Archive | January 2014

When feeling pain becomes her meditation

Aleah Chapin

Artist: Aleah Chapin

She a real and she feels pain, but it no longer defines her. When something precious breaks, her heart aches. She feels things acutely. She honours her loss, and she lets it pass.

Her pain no longer disables, makes her sick, hopeless or numb. She’s learning that feeling her hurt is not the same as feeling powerless. It does not shut her down. She’s not getting lost in her pain. Paradoxically, the more she leans into it, the more it heals. This time, she’s standing in it, and not falling apart.

She’s been on a journey of retrieval. As she’s accessing an aspect of her that’s so much bigger than her pain, she’s finding that even when her heart is breaking, she can stand powerful. Her practice of being open  in pain is her deepest spirituality. She knows that keeping her heart open means being deeply penetrated by life again and again. And yet, she’s healing miraculously. The ‘resilient love’ fibre in her heart is getting stronger. Her pain is no longer an immobilizing cramp. It keeps her real & soft, and there is a sweetness of love in it.

Her life is no longer about running away from pain. And her body is no more a storehouse of pain.

That is how she is opening up to the pain of the world. It is no longer personal. This pain is what moves her to do her work in the world. She’s finding that when you enter deep into compassion, you will also find pain in one corner of it. Her pain is also her holiness at this time.

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She’s reclaiming the holy dark

cave

Art: Anne-Claire Payet

“The spirit of the valley never dies;
This is called the dark female.
The doorway into the dark female
Is called the root of heaven and earth.
It is there within us all the while;
Draw upon it as you will, it never runs dry.”

-Tao Te Ching 6

 

She’s reclaiming her dark feminine as she heals the split. The word dark has been used to scare her away from the fullness of her essence for a long time. She was programmed into a belief that only light is pure, and the dark is evil. And thus was she separated from her power. She was allowed to live and experience only the ‘good’ girl, and a very large part of her existence became unsanctioned. She got split between good & bad, and she was told that the good would get her acceptance & the bad would get her rejection. Her raw, mystical, wild, shamanic self was banished into the underground, to be perhaps visited in dreams.

Her dark is nothing but her denied feminine. It is primal, NOT evil.

As her fear is disappearing, she’s refusing to live in guilt anymore. She’s untangling from shame, the single most powerful weapon to chain her. Her frequent journeys underground have revealed to her the immense power of the dark. She’s discovering she was never evil. All that she had hidden away in the dark was actually quite cool. It was just that she would have been too dangerous. She’s reclaiming her wildness fully and unabashedly now. She knows that the dark is where things take birth. Deep in the earth’s womb is where the seed germinates, deep in her dark womb is where life begins to form.

A connection to the dark brings her face to face to her mystical connection with life, death and rebirth. She accessing the power of blood mysteries. She’s travelling to the center of the universe, the black light of the cosmic womb, her most nourishing place now. She’s reclaiming Kali, Lilith, Baba Yaga in her.

In her embrace of her dark feminine, she’s healing the split of spirit from matter, heaven from earth, sacred from profane, human from divine, light from dark.

She’s sacred. And it has no opposite.