Archive | August 2013

She’s transforming her fear into dance

dance partner

Fear does not define her limits anymore. It is no longer the place where her journey ends. This is not  where her river dries up and the sun never shines.

She is re-defining fear as the edge of the diving board to jump off from, as the starting point to great journeys. Every fear is becoming a calling,. Every contraction is the beginning of a new expansion, a thrill of the unknown.

She has come to sit in a safe space inside herself ~ finally. She’s connecting to her relaxed Shakti that rests in her womb temple. From here she can go anywhere, do anything. Her fear becomes her dare.

The spirit of adventure is awakening in her heart. She’s willing to go to all those places she has only stood on the edge of, till now. All unfinished journeys are on their way to completion. All incomplete songs will now be written and sung.

There is a new space of allowing in her. Her fear is only the outer edge of excitement to try something new. In her new life, her fear becomes her teacher. She is breathing into it, listening to what lies beyond. She’s updating her cellular records that kick off a reaction from historic memory of wanting to create safety. She’s gently asking her fear to let go her old script ~ one that told her that the world is not a safe place. She is safe now ~ and ready to walk through her fears. And thus she removes the veil that was hiding a treasure. It’s funny how, when she does that, her fear transforms into her dance partner.

She’s not afraid of fear anymore!

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She’s learning to ride her Shakti

durga with her weapons

There was a time when physical strength had nothing to do with power. At the time when men discovered that their physical strength could be used not just for hunting and protection, but also to push others down, the dynamics between men & nature, women and men, men & men, began to change. Slowly,  force came to mean power, and then power became domination. We began to believe that the victor had power, and the vanquished had none.

The more she lost in this game of domination, the more she believed in her powerlessness. Eventually, she totally bought into this illusion.

She is now re-learning that physical strength, control, domination are not synonymous with power.

She is now in a deep process of claiming her power back. For that she is undoing centuries of indoctrination. She’s begun to honour her own insights, her body, her intuition and her inner voice. She is becoming more and more comfortable in her skin. She’s discovering that she knows best what’s good for her, and she’s willing to listen to her own teaching. She is living the paradox that the more deeply relaxed she is, the more power she has.

She is re-learning that true power is called SHAKTI ~ the female principle of divine energy.
Shakti personifies the dynamic, manifesting energy that creates the universe. She is the primordial creative force. Cosmic Energy. Agent for all change. Sacred force. Empowerment. She is present equally in men and women. And her awakening in both is an awe-inspiring phenomenon.

She is discovering with delighted that she is a natural container of Shakti. It re-turns her life.

She is particularly tickled that she has a lion as her ride.

She’s walking into her pain

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The Feminine is finally meeting her pain respectfully. Her pain is her oldest teacher. Also the one she’s avoided facing at all costs. Finally, she’s putting her attention there. It is specially hard to stay fully present in it, and not run away.

Her sankalpa is to shift her consciousness. It is coming from a space that is larger than her contractions. Her practice is to continue to breathe into her ‘not knowing’. Slowly, as she experiences her dark, agonising spaces without resistance, it begins to take her through the dark alleys of lifetime after lifetime of victim/aggressor responses. She walks through walls after walls of defences, the lamp of her sacred intent her only companion.

And at the end of the tunnel, she meets love. Intense, blinding, golden, shimmering love. She melts into it.

On her journey back, she brings as much of this love as she needs, and begins to repair her fragmented life, replenish her atrophied arteries, and feeds the cramped and aching parts. Her malnourished parts begin to perk up, & her body begins to shift at a cellular level. Her pain body ~ a companion of lifetimes ~ begins to transform into a glow body. The dull ache in her lower back begins to dissolve and with it, all her collected, calcified anger. The area around her hips and womb begins to soften. Every time she enters deep into her fear without defence, she brings more gold back for her body.

She is eating sacred food. Her trips for gold are becoming shorter, as the love comes closer with every visit underground. Her glow is unmistakable.

She’s choosing love.

Her secret longing

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Some days, she deeply connects to an unnamed longing. She does not remember its origin. It can be triggered by a fragrance, a colour, a sound, an expression, a dream or the way the sunlight slants through the trees. She wonders at the exquisite pain of it.

She simply knows that one end of it is connects to her heart ~ and she feels a tug at the other end.She is learning to lean deeper into it. Touching it is like a melting ~ a dissolving of the spaces in her heart. Sometimes it brings tears, and she may cry. Oh! what unrequited love affair is this?

This longing is a remembrance, it does not yet have a name ~ it goes deeper than her memory. She is learning to use it as a compass to show her the way ~ when she is very still, very alert, she can hear its whispered message. There is a mysterious magnetic pull in it.

She too is speaking to her longing. Whoever or whatever is on the other end of it longs for her too. She knows this longing will reveal to her who she really is. Whenever it comes, she feels touched by grace.

Let the darkness at the doorway not stop you

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Enter.

Shatter the darkness that shrouds the doorway…

Be bold. Be humble.
Put away the incense and forget
the incantations they taught you.
Ask no permission from the authorities.
Close your eyes and follow your breath
to the still place that leads to the
invisible path that leads you home.
~ St. Theresa of Avila 

She’s walking out of her cage of fear

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She’s reeling her power back to herself. Over lifetimes, she had given it away ~ to the parent, the partner, the priest, the politician, to society, to ideology, to her fears and so on. The power to make choices is what she is retrieving. In the make belief free world, her gilded cage was invisible but strong. Every time she hit against the bars, she was bruised.

She’s learning the magic of dismantling her cage. She’s realizing that it was built with her collusion & obedience. Her powerful intent will cause it to disappear. You can see her standing at the edge of her consciousness, taking those new steps in unfamiliar terrain. She’s getting a taste of real freedom.

She’s realizing that another name for freedom is responsibility. This new space has is no place for blame, avoidance or denial. Those are places of powerlessness, and she’s not going there anymore.

Whenever she feels a dip in energy, she is asking herself ~ ‘where did I just give my power away?’, and invariably she will find she has been feeding a fear, a toxic emotion, a victim thought. Mostly it is her fear of rejection.

She’s wondering if she’s overused the word ‘fear’. Could the flutter in her stomach actually be the excitement of not knowing ~ the sheer uncertainty of standing on the edge & contemplating a leap . Her mind cannot help her here. Her heart and her body can.

The more she’s learning to feel safe in her body, the more the risk is  turning into adventure. Feeling safe is her new learning ~ or an unlearning of her caged life.

When she dares, she realizes with awe that the universe has lovingly laid a red carpet for her.

She’s facing her demons

ImagePic: Pat Perry

She’s given up battling her demons. She can now see that the demons are her own disowned & denied parts. She had been taught for thousands of years that ‘being nice’ is the best quality of a woman. She was told that only some parts of her were acceptable, & thus began the dis-empowerment, devaluing and dismembering of her psyche. She earned the badge of a ‘star’ nice person in her world. She got rewarded for being good, and punished for being bad. She started collecting medals. Her Shakti was stolen.

She learnt to battle within herself everything that was not sanctioned. So she suppressed it & sadly, the ‘real’ woman never showed up. Occasionally, the wild feral wolf woman emerged ~ to howl at the moon, sometimes to run with her pack.

She is looking at all that was labelled ‘bad, dark, ugly’ in her, re-evaluating all the ‘should’s and should not’s’ and is discovering that her demons as her own denied powers, talents & longings. Even those that chase her in her dreams are perhaps her own parts wanting to re-unite.

The awakening of Shakti is the most powerful emergence on the planet today. She is awakening in the body, heart and soul of every single woman & man who is ready to embrace Her. She’s no longer wasting her energies being at war with her own self, & is embracing every single thing in her. She’s spring cleaning her ‘programme’ and emptying the trash in her head.

She is discovering she is sacredness herself.

She is learning to be the best mother to herself now.