She’s unlearning surrender.
She used to have a romantic notion about it. Not any more. Even though she’s been on a transformation journey for a while, it still feels scary to visit certain places inside.Her deepening is in her ability to now see that she doesn’t want to see. She’s in a deep interior cave where she’s facing a truth that almost dissolves her bones. Fear jams her mind and body. She’s tempted to take a by-pass.
Standing at the edges of her denial and its pull and push is acutely uncomfortable.
Her body especially is holding her accountable to her Sankalpa. It’s not allowing her the arrogance of control. Control a hard one to let go. In the break-ing down, her body is asking her to pause and breathe, to dissolve her colonised identity. All that is brittle must go. She’s being taught that healing is not a destination.
Surrender is hard, exactly because it is a soft place of acceptance of what is. It asks her to become transparent to herself. It’s asking for greater accountability, even in her dream time. ‘Undo yourself’, whisper the winds.
She’s looking at her choices. Sometimes it seems she’s between a rock and a hard place. The false ground is shaking. Yet, this too is a place of arrival, a holy threshold. She has to whisper the magic words to go through. She trembles. She calls out to the wise woman inside, the one who knows true surrender.
Mystery will unfold. She will unlock a Vital Decision. The mantra will arrive.