Her Goddess Pause

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Art: Francois Fressinier

She calls it her goddess pause.

She is choosing to have more of these soft, delicate, moments of pausing with herself. Something sweet, unexplained comes to meet her at these times. Sometimes she hears herself releasing a deep sigh.

She’s discovering the richness of those moments of reverie. Everything inside & outside comes together in a harmonious song. She once again has entered the unnamable world. It leaves her soothed & refreshed. When she comes out of it, she’s not sure why she feels that something just got done.

Anyway, she’s beginning to love this non-doing work time. She’s learning to joyously tap into this nourishing pool of quiet-ness.

She’s arriving into present time

relaxed feet

She’s arriving into present time.This is the gift of her deep work.

She has been healing her pain, embracing her shadows, claiming her body & womb temple, releasing her shame, clearing the victim/oppressor, facing her fears, walking out of dishonouring spaces & so much more.

She’s a warrior. She stands steady, anchored inside herself. She’s let go her history and cleared her cellular memories. She’s no longer lost in the haunted alleys of her past. They’re clean, lit up and fragrant with her loving awareness. As she connects to her divine longing & her passion, she deepens her surrender. It is interesting that when she let go her past, her anxieties of future vanished too. Surprised, she  discovered that they were really the same thing. She’s becoming relaxed about where her life is heading.

She’s free & uncluttered, & ready to travel to where her life is calling. She’s travelling light. With her energy  unstuck from the past & future, she’s listening deep into the now.

She’s fully present. She’s amazed at how relaxed and alert she is at the same time.

She could easily pass through the eye of a needle.

She’s Retrieving her original story

young girl

Artwork: Trockn

She’s reclaiming the original story that she incarnated to live. With her arrival began the distancing away from her original script. The world changed her story. She was too young, soft, guileless, impressionable when they did it. When she tried to tell her version, they said ‘your story is too dangerous, impractical, wrong, crazy, naïve, impossible, foolish.’

Before she knew it, she was living their story. Her life became a cheap paperback edition of her hardbound, jewel and gold engraved book with satiny pages, exquisite illustrations, amazing journeys and adventures, magical inventions, music, romance and mystery. In her story, she was sometimes a majestic queen, a beautiful and romantic heroine, a fearless warrior, a mystical fairy, a powerful witch. She could fly and sing like a bird, dance like the wind, she was kind, loving and funny. The universe was her best friend and she was never hurt or unhappy.

Very early on, when her original story split from her, she secretly fed it in her imagination. She kept her sanity by living in two worlds. The most painful phases of her life were when the link between her two worlds broke.

She’s remembering and reclaiming her original manuscript. On her many trips underground, she’s retrieving it page by page. The power of her story is entering back into her. There’s a peace that’s coming into her from living the right life.

She has not yet read the last chapters, but there’s a great excitement building. It’s such a grand tale! And its better than any story she’s ever read.

 

 

Becoming her own Mother

Natalia Tajera

Art: Natalia Tajera

She’s accessing a joyous inner conversation.

She’s speaking to herself differently now. She thought she was a victim to an external oppressor, but it’s been more dangerous than that.

She’s realising she had internalized all her oppressors from childhood. They’re still busy controlling & disciplining her as her inner voice. These voices create self-reproach when she’s just resting on the couch, reading a book, sitting in the garden, taking a nap ~ saying to her ‘don’t waste your time’. She’s been so programmed into being useful & productive that’ free’ time, indulgence, self-care becomes a ‘guilty pleasure’. That she should rest is intolerant to this inner oppressor disguised as ‘her’ voice.

This voice is there to steal her power. It tells her she’s lesser when she’s with a group, it tells her she’s selfish when she wants to pursue her dream, and it tells her she wont make it anyways ~ cause she’s always wrong. It’s there to create shame. She’s been sleeping with the enemy.

Not any more. Finally, she’s taking care of the little girl within.  She’s dis-identifying with this voice. She’s breaking the oppressive chains & giving herself free rein. Everything she does, feel, thinks is ok. She’s un-hooking from the programme that tells her anything other than that she’s beautiful, awesome, gorgeous and perfect the way she is. She’s accessing her inner mother who has this  soft golden voice of a most loving, indulgent, proud mom ~ and she says to her again and again how beautiful, gorgeous, wise, funny, courageous, talented and perfect she is.

Her inner father is so proud, his voice always assuring her she’s safe and protected, and she can go forth fearlessly into her dreams and goals. He believes in her and is always available. He wants to show her off in the world.

She and her inner child is finally having fun. She’s speaking to herself in a  loving, indulgent and supportive way. She’s treating herself as precious.  It is making her so relaxed and peaceful. The chattering in her head ends, and even if it tries to come back, she’s not paying heed.

Becoming her own dream parent is probably one of the most significant spiritual lessons she was meant to learn.

She’s accessing a new map

map

She could never read maps. She now realises why. There’s a special kind of map she’s called to follow, and she’s re-learning her navigation skills.

She reads this map with her inner knowing. She downloaded it with her sankalpa to walk her path. This special map is lit with the light of her longing. The more she leans into her longing, the clearer her direction. Initially, she would be a bit confused, reluctant to give up her planning and caution, but it had the price of becoming lost. The map gifts her efficiency, economy & joy. Her body is her most powerful ally in reading the map.

The entire map never really shows up. Just the bit she’s standing on appears. She’s so content with not knowing the future. She’s learning to become still and dives into the rich moment. As she’s coming into present time, she makes the amazing discovery that it’s the only place the ego cannot come. She’s pure and safe here.

The key to her map is surrender. The more she trusts it, the more it teaches her ~ and she has begun to believe that eventually, every dot will be connected, even the most baffling ones. That’s because it’s not a linear map ~ it has cycles within cycles.  It is such a freedom being directed and supported from within.

She’s walking towards her true North. The map is within her, and the map is her.

Daughter of the mighty Mother

Art by Frederic Leighton

Art: Frederic Leighton

She’s reeling in the lessons directly from her Great Mother. No one else can fulfilling her heart’s longing the way SHE can.

She’s disrobing now, stepping out of her old faded, tattered garments. She’s moving away from places and people who do not honour her. Of course it’s difficult and painful to rip off the familiar, these garments have become second skin. And its scary too, cause there are a hundred reasons to stay with it, and maybe only one to let go. Should she listen to this tiny, new, unfamiliar voice?

She’s practicing to recognise that faint whisper amidst the clamour ~ she’s learning that it comes from a different Source.
This Voice, though faint or fleeting, nourishes a tiny spot in her heart ~ her Goddess Spot. A tiny flame, a soft whisper, a barely perceptible fragrance, a fleeting vision ~ she’s recognising the difference in this voice, & she’s learning to pay attention. She pauses, becomes very still, and says ~ ‘I don’t yet understand, but I’m listening. It feels scary, but deep down, it feels right.’ She’s holding on to that thin thread that takes her to the Mother.

Every time she honours the tug from the other end, she receives an Initiation. This could be a new wisdom, a vision, an opportunity she’s been longing for, or just a deeper relaxation into her being. She’s taking her baby steps into her goddess self.

She’s loving being the Mother’s little girl.

When feeling pain becomes her meditation

Aleah Chapin

Artist: Aleah Chapin

She a real and she feels pain, but it no longer defines her. When something precious breaks, her heart aches. She feels things acutely. She honours her loss, and she lets it pass.

Her pain no longer disables, makes her sick, hopeless or numb. She’s learning that feeling her hurt is not the same as feeling powerless. It does not shut her down. She’s not getting lost in her pain. Paradoxically, the more she leans into it, the more it heals. This time, she’s standing in it, and not falling apart.

She’s been on a journey of retrieval. As she’s accessing an aspect of her that’s so much bigger than her pain, she’s finding that even when her heart is breaking, she can stand powerful. Her practice of being open  in pain is her deepest spirituality. She knows that keeping her heart open means being deeply penetrated by life again and again. And yet, she’s healing miraculously. The ‘resilient love’ fibre in her heart is getting stronger. Her pain is no longer an immobilizing cramp. It keeps her real & soft, and there is a sweetness of love in it.

Her life is no longer about running away from pain. And her body is no more a storehouse of pain.

That is how she is opening up to the pain of the world. It is no longer personal. This pain is what moves her to do her work in the world. She’s finding that when you enter deep into compassion, you will also find pain in one corner of it. Her pain is also her holiness at this time.